Jaymee's Rants

Own It Today! http://soc.li/m19qiQR

Why does it always rain on me?

Why? I sit here in my room pondering why my parents lashed out at me once again? I understand that they pay for my insurance and that I live with them (rent free) but if I could go out and get a full time job tomorrow I would…. and it wouldn’t hurt mom to maybe help by letting me know when they’re gonna hire or even take a resume to her boss?

So the whole thing started with my dad coming down stairs and starting up another fight with me about how “my dog” (which is more Chris’s dog than he is mine) peed on the stairs… and I go to the defense claiming that the dog isn’t just mine, how I always have to clean up after him and get yelled at, and the fact that for more than half a year my father has never lifted a finger to clean and especially the dogs area…

I earn my stay. I work my ass off, and when I don’t do it for a day because I just need a mental break I get shit for it. I got in trouble for not cooking dinner when my dad was home way before Chris and I got back from school this morning… I just feel like he makes it seem like he works hard but really it’s just a show because I can bet that even if I had a full time job (and possibly even going to school too) I’d still be expected to clean house AND cook dinner for everyone… while he sits around watching TV and plays on his computer….

What makes matters worse is that Chris won’t even go to bat for me. I have no help and no appreciation and I think that’s what is essentially killing me. I understand that I should be reasonable, but listening to me for 5 mins then going back to playing the stupid video game isn’t exactly consoling me. I’m sorry if I need a little more attention than that but my self esteem just got a huge hit from people I thought loved me and I just feel like nothing would be better than ending my life just so that they can regret treating me this way. I’m also contemplating just running away and trying to live life without them as they’re already 2 seconds from kicking me to the streets.

And this is why I need a therapist. It’s really not the material items that can make a person happy (they’re nice) but when you’re just a child the only thing you ever want is for your parents to be proud of you and maybe even spend time with you. Chris expects me to be the perfect mom, but I never had that stay-at-home- mom experience, I either had my siblings taking care of me, or I took care of myself…. So I’m a little sore towards that part of my life…. but really, they can’t be too amazed that I turned out the way I did.

But to tell me to “shut up”? Really dad? I’m not 15 anymore, I’m not a kid, I am a young woman and I WANT to be heard. Just because women of your day would actually listen to men doesn’t men we do today, even if they are our parents. I’m sorry if that’s disrespectful, but they’ve been disrespectful to me long enough. If I had the money I’d move and never speak to them again. It’s so easy to throw that they drove their other daughter away…. I think I see this pattern of sexism  and maybe I should be proud that they never taught me that- I should be proud of being proud. Eventually I’ll leave them, and I’ll be glad when they finally realize what they’ve lost, I might even laugh when my mother complains about the house being a mess. I almost laughed (and felt truly offended) when my dad threatened to hire a maid… I’m sorry but I work twice as hard as a maid, thank you, especially since they would only be able to afford to have one come out a couple times a month… while I clean almost every day I’m here. (I usually don’t clean mondays).

I’m sick of all of this and I think I’ll look for an apartment (I don’t care if it’s trashy) just to have a stable place for us to live without having to deal with them!

Wow…. well Twitter sucks anyway. 63 days left till the cruise!

Totally been gone too long! Cruise in 120 days!

is SO in love with him, she thinks he might actually be THE ONE and everyone else sees it too! Maybe in a year she’ll be Mrs. Chris Altland!

is losing everything she holds dear…. especially her mind.

is confined to using her iPod touch to go on the Internet… Kinda annoying, but will have to manage until mac charger comes.

is probably gonna get Swine Flu just because she used it as an excuse as to why she ditched her English and French classes… :(

had fun at the cabin with her amazing man!

excited for this weekend!

ugh… not feeling great, and a little scared at the moment. I’m hoping this is all just PMS!

hopes she and her boy go to Rocky Horror tonight….

loves her man who is currently snoring with his head in my lap! It’s adorable! :D

is happy again, and its all because of this man who loves me and I love him right back.